Strolling down the ladder of life, there were so many moments over the past few years when it felt like I would never make it here. As long as I can remember, I’ve had wrapped up my 2018 with a bitsy heaviness in my heart and had started my 2019 with the faith that “Slow and steady wins the race.” I had started my 2019 with the hope that this time I will make progress in my journey or in the few areas of my life through MORE hardwork, contentment and self love. As I believe that some things take time and I should always remember that the real fight, the real struggle is to keep going on even when you feel you can’t.
I had abode those times when I felt lonely and cried of despair because there was not someone to understand me, with whom I can talk my heart out. The times when I stayed up all night hoping, pleading to my Lord with teary eyes and trying to make sense of life. Amidst all the hustle bustle of life, I wondered and questioned myself; will it ever be over?
I battled through it inch by inch, day by day. I endured all without objection.
Struggling to live a life of purity while surrounded by wickedness is an act of courage I must say. We live in a cynical world. There are more people out there wanting to watch us writhe in pain than ascent in glory. I travel back in time to remember when someone or the other tries to tell me who I am and what should I do with my life. I think it is necessary that you meet the finish line in your own time, at your own pace, keeping your mental sanity and to me it’s more important than ever to love all that I stand for and want in life – “To create the life that is specific to me rather than to anyone else.” As I am, myself, the best judge.
As time sped away, the urge grew to prayer; a prayer to the nature, to my ever merciful Lord to bless me with my lost domain and authority. The universe always attends to you. I always do believe. Out of nowhere, right when I was about to give up and resign to a fate and accept my life; days and nights as what it was, the universe had heard me. That day I realized, none of those moments was a waste. It was all for me to fathom life on my own. To make me decipher that those days were nothing more than a sign of better life ahead, that it was all just to make me appreciate the life to come.
In the midst of all those struggling years which I had spent waiting, reflecting and questioning myself, the thing I realized is that when you have been in a dire need of anything and you cannot wait for that; like you want it in a jiffy moment, that’s when it will hide itself. And when you least expect it from the destiny and hands over it to your Lord, the King of the Kings; that’s when it will arrive to the door of your life. Its His way of giving. He talks with us through miracles. In the last few months of 2019, I’ve witnessed miracles that have reinstated my faith in Him and the power of Dua.
What a struggling decade it’s been. A decade of loss and love. I’ve had lost my mother in 2012, which has changed me into a completely different person. And then, have had learnt to love and be loved completely and unconditionally.
The year 2019 has been a lesson for me, a miraculous affair, full of growth and pain, bounteous blessings and a year of new beginnings that has made me fearless, stronger, better and wiser. I want to call it a ‘Miraculous Year’.
As we stepped into the new decade, which is 2020, I’ve been taking inventory of the time – reflecting and prioritizing. I’ve accomplished so much making it through step one and two. I am proud of myself for getting through all that. I am so much more proud of all the internal work I’ve done – Finding healing when it hurts, advocating for myself, challenging myself, nurturing my creative self and prioritizing my own needs. These are the things I used as markers of ‘Progress’ in the future.
There is still so much left to do but today I am sitting with this beautiful feeling of being really proud of myself.
As always I am setting loads of goals but not setting the precondition of completing them within a time frame because this has now become my mystical mantra that, “Slow and steady wins the race.”
With the whole lotta positive energies and a heart brimming gratitude that I step into this new decade and new year telling you all, this time whether you make resolutions or not, maybe for you the new year is just a change of dates but I just hope you can take time to have gratitude for your life. Always remember that slow growth is not a weakness and every day you are abiding to unfold into your bloom which is a beautiful proof.
Wishing you all a very Happy New Year. May my Lord make all your difficulties easy and make all your prayers come true. Amen! ❤
- Zarmeena Gul Naseer